The back-to-school season is in full swing! Your older kids might not be ready for the pressures of returning to school, even though some kids are downright ecstatic. There’s one quick sign things aren’t looking so good? The term “back to school necklace” may sound innocent – almost sweet – to your tween or teen. There’s more to jewelry than meets the eye in the Target jewelry aisle. It is associated with some dark imagery and refers to the stress of returning to school. Consider asking your teen what they think about a back to school necklace while he or she is trying on their 15th or 16th pair of “perfect for school” jeans. Don’t be surprised if the conversation gets heavier than you expected.
A “back to school necklace” usually refers to a cute little card with a matching necklace or bracelet that reminds your kiddo that you are also wearing a matching one while they are away from home. This is so heartwarming. It’s so innocent. Nonetheless, let’s be honest: Gen Z is much more than that. Their view of those things is probably regarded as “cheugy.”
What is a back to school necklace?
The term “back to school necklace” is a euphemism for the dread that comes with returning to school every year. The imagery relates to a noose around one’s neck. Does that sound alarmist to you? Does this seem like something only Boomers worry about? You may want to reconsider. This morbid trend has even caught the attention of Urban Dictionary. The term “back to school necklace” can be viewed as another term for a noose, because of the despair students feel when school begins again.
Do you really need to worry about a “back to school necklace”?
It is always a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional when someone is contemplating self-harm or suicide. You may want to start a conversation with your tween or teen if you hear them using the term “back to school necklace”.
The Gen Z generation is dark and deep, after all. They have lived in a country at war for nearly all of their lives. Numerous school shootings have occurred (and adults and lawmakers have rarely responded appropriately). Their minds have been inundated with images of civil unrest, police brutality, and our planet’s current dumpster fire. There’s no denying that social media has exposed Gen Z’ers to much more of this, than jaded people might suggest. The news can’t be escaped by turning off the television like we used to do as teenagers. There is a constant connection between what is happening in our world – no matter how good or bad it may be. The next generation of tweens, teens, and young adults tend to be more on-the-nose about the morose than previous generations.
As a result, many kids associate a “back to school necklace” only with dread. Yes, we should definitely talk about that dread. The slang they use may not always be a cry for help, but rather a form of slang they’ve inherited from their friends.
Back to school necklaces: how do you talk about them?
There is always a struggle when it comes to talking to your child about anything serious. Particularly if you’re a “geriatric millennial” parent, you know how cringe-worthy it is to start heavy conversations and sound like an afterschool special instead of a parent or friend. As a parent, you also know that too much seriousness often pushes your child further away from you. If you don’t want to wait for your child to bring up the subject, you may want to start the conversation now. You should, however, tread lightly. Try saying something like, “Hey, have you heard about this? I saw something online and was curious.”
Although many tweens and teens might roll their eyes at your question and scoff, “It’s not that deep,” the truth is that it might not be “that deep” for them. There’s nothing worse than back-to-school dread. There wasn’t so long ago when you felt it. It’s a cynical euphemism that might be used more as a euphemism by some kids than a serious statement. Those who are not looking forward to their third year of French may just see it as a trendy, catchy way to say, “I’m not looking forward to it.”
Depending on your relationship with your kids, how you speak to them will differ. It’s okay to be casual with your Gen Z’er 90% of the time if you’re already casual with them 90% of the time. If they don’t mind, you could go to Starbucks with them and ask, “Have you started to feel the stress of back-to-school yet? I always felt a lot of pressure before the first week back to school – yes, 100 years ago.” If they indicate they’re feeling it too, I suggest that you state, “School can be stressful; I’m sorry. You can vent to me.” If it feels organic, you can then ask about the “back to school necklace” during your convo.
What can you do to be what your child needs?
Whenever your child admits that they’re anxious about school, you can take a number of steps to help them. There is a lot to consider here. Will they be able to joke about their anxiety, or will it affect their mental health to a large extent? You should definitely seek out professional help if it’s the latter, so that your child can get back to a healthy emotional and psychological baseline.
It’s possible that your kid is the surface-level kid. You should keep in mind that just because someone opens up to you, it does not mean that they want you to fix it. When you identify your kid’s school stress, ask the following question: “Do you want me to listen, coach, advise, or fix?” Here’s what each of those answers requires:
Listen — There you have it, Mama. Tweens and teens need to get all of their problems out while you remain neutral and listen. Take a sip of your coffee. Take a bite of granola. No matter what you do, don’t say a word. After they have finished talking, say, “I heard everything you said. If you need advice or a boost, I will do it, but unless you ask for it.”
Advise — Don’t assume you know which issue is the most problematic if they come to you with multiple concerns. The first thing you should do is ask them what they need help with. Help them come up with a plan for tackling that issue in the new year. For example. “AP History is your biggest concern? Would you like help managing what’s required of you for that class?”
Coach — There is a difference between coaching and advising. There is an element of affirmation that comes with coaching. For example, do you get stressed because your best friend won’t have lunch with you this semester? How about finding out which friends will be with you? Let’s come up with a plan! You have a lot of friends, buddy. Let’s consider a few backup options for you.”
Fix — I find this difficult. Sometimes you know you can’t or shouldn’t do what you want, but you always want to do it. There is no mom who wants to say, “I can’t fix your problem for you.” If you talk through it, perhaps you can come up with something that will ease the pressure. If you don’t know how they would like it fixed, ask if they know how you should fix it. Once you have reached a compromise, work backwards. For example. If you don’t get an A, how about dropping AP History? You need the credit, and you’ve done everything else. Would it help if I told you that I do not expect you to get an A in this elective?”
If your child is genuinely struggling, what should you do?
There will be students who feel like they might not make it through the school year despite the fact that it might not be “that deep” for many of them. A professional intervention is needed if they start using these kinds of terms or adding that much dread. There are many ways in which this can appear. The first step is to speak with their pediatrician or primary care provider. Consult your school counselor. It is important to find a therapist who has experience working with teens and teens. Perhaps you should consider alternative schooling options if you believe it will benefit your child’s mental health.
Please call 911 immediately if you or anyone you know is experiencing a medical or mental health emergency. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 988 or 1-800-273-8255 at any time if you have suicidal thoughts or know someone who does. By texting “START” to 741-741, you can also reach the Crisis Text Line. You can reach National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) if you or someone you know needs mental health help.
